REMINISCENCE
Logline: A memory about how a couple met in highschool
Establishing shots of neighborhood
Car outside house with man unloading the truck with boxes
An adult woman surveys a new master bedroom(new house)
Her eye catches onto an old polaroid on top of pile of crap in a cardboard box
She picks it up and smiles
Close up on polaroid
Flashback
Awkward looking girl is checking out a library book(academic/nerdy)
Follows through her classes as she is obviously socially awkward due to her nerdiness
-bell is heard ringing and shots of students rushing to class
-camera follows girl as she mopes to class
-Walks into math class and sits down in the far corner
-drops books and a bully stumbles pass, steps on papers/binder and doesn't help pick up (laughs)
-picks up herself and cries
-Walks into another class and sits in a corner
-Bully is laughing and talking with friends
-He throws a paper ball at the girl
-Future interest(boy) sees this going on
-the boy stands up and approaches the bullies
-boy talks to bullies while bullies laugh
-bell rings before anything can come to a conclusion
-boy looks at girl and she stumbles past him out the door
At lunch girl is sitting by herself eating her food
Bullies comes and flips her food over
Boy sees this going on and pushes the bully leader out of the way
Friends of the boy back him up and outnumbers the bullies
Friends chase off the bullies
Boy asks if girl is okay and reassures her
Transition into talking
-joke about how dumb the bullies are
-pretends to be big and clunky like the bullies
-girl laughs while he tells the jokes
He asks her to prom and of course she says yes
Both smile
Nighttime shots of the sky and romantic setting
Boy putting on formal wear in front of a mirror
Girl finishing putting on a dress in front of a mirror
Boy arrives at girl's house in a car
Steps out and walks up the porch and knocks on the door holding a bouquet of flowers
Girl(not nerdy anymore but gorgeous) answers wearing a dress and is overly happy to see him
Girl takes flowers and invites him in the house
Meets and greets mother
Mother compliments boy and suggests to take a picture
Goes to find camera
Boy and girl laugh and he compliments her on her dress
Mother comes back with camera
Mother takes a polaroid of the smiling couple
The picture ejects from the polaroid camera
Girl takes the polaroid and waves it and puts it into her purse (picture side facing away from the camera)
Flashforward
Man unloading is husband of adult woman(same boy)
He walks in the room and hugs her
She shows him the picture
They both laugh and finish unloading boxes
Tacks up the picture to a wall
Dolly to picture
Fade out
End credits
-Max Mak
This is a really good idea. Everything was clear and simple to visualize. I also liked how the girl and boy remember their prom night. Nice idea!
ReplyDelete"Establishing shots of neighborhood" This isnt part of the treatment this would be part of the 2 column script. Instead of "Establishing shots of neighborhood" describe the neighborhood in detail. You say the girl is socially awkward but youre supposed to show that in your film. Perhaps a student ask her a question and she mumbles and blushes that would show her characterization. Remember characterization is shown through action and what characters do not by what they say. Also develop how the boy and girl develop a relationship perhaps because for now the film seems like its going to be too short.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Luis on the part about where you say what kind of shots you want. But nice explanation of everything that’s happening. Pretty clear and concise. The transition to where when he asks her seems too immediate if she’s so shy. The development of the boy's character could be further expressed.
ReplyDeleteI like your idea of making the first part of the treatment gives the question of who the person is kind of like a mystery. Then you find out in the end. So this seems like a good video to work on.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand the first part where he doesn't help her and then he asks her to prom later on? I feel like that's really rushed and it doesn't make a lot of sense. Maybe a little more establishment of their relationship, or lack of. otherwise it's really cute and i love the ending, totally nicolas sparks status right thuuur.
ReplyDeleteI like marias i idea here and agree that it sounds rushed and unorganized. It would sound much better to flash back to scenes where he helps her as a means of making up for the bully's rudeness. This would give the audience the reason for this ending rather than just having the two end up together.
ReplyDelete